God I’m so fucking starving but it’s Saturday and on Saturdays I don’t eat really much of anything aside from a protein shake after the Super Ab class at the gym and then half a lean cuisine before I go out but today I won’t be having the lean cuisine because during the ab class when we were doing that exercise where our legs were over our heads my shirt fell down a little bit and C--- whom I’ve never really cared for anyway but who has the most amazing six-pack I’ve ever seen and I seriously feel like I’m the only person I know who hasn’t gotten to sleep with him yet anyway he asked me some question about if I’d been keeping up on my cardio which I suppose I haven’t, which I suppose is sort of true because I could be running more at least every morning I tell myself I’m going to run before work but it’s just so fucking hard to get up that early you know? like on Wednesday morning after going out to the D--- on Tuesday because that’s really just what you do if you want to be anyone and I certainly want to be someone not like F---- or J--- or any of those people because I know my place and I know what I’m capable of and it’s certainly not that but I just want to be someone you know? Just someone and besides I got invited to the last two parties that J--- had even though I’ll admit that the first invite was actually forwarded to me by V--- who told me just to act cool and smile and pretend that I belong. And I did. Anyway that’s why I’m not having half of that lean cuisine tonight before I go out to H---- actually I’ll probably start drinking at B---‘s house because a) he’s always got Grey Goose vodka and b) he told me he just got some really good blow which I never really pictured myself doing when I was in fourth grade and in that drug education assembly I mean I actually remember sitting on the orange carpet looking at pictures of cocaine and listening to the policeman talk and thinking to myself “people from P----- don’t do that especially when they’ve been raised by good parents in good households and have great older brothers like mine” I do it every weekend now and I’ve done it once or twice during the week and honestly it’s not as big of a deal as I thought it was and besides it helps me get through to the after parties which usually start around 3:30am anyway and there’s no possible way that anyone could expect to make it that long into the night especially on Saturdays because they’ve got these cheap shots that taste like fruit punch at H---- and these super hot guys wearing briefs sell them but everyone says that the guys are straight and so fuck it whatever.
So like I said it’s Saturday and I’m starving but the abs are looking good, man, looking good, indeed see I’ve got this mirror that’s in my bathroom and when I turn these two lights on and these other three lights off they make my first four abs look really great like Men’s Health great so I usually only keep those two lights on in fact I can’t even remember the last time I turned the other three on and fuck, man, fuck, they look really great, and maybe this will be the night that I take C--- home even though I heard at the gym the other day that he was starting to hang out with N--- but I checked both of their profiles on MySpace and Friendster and it said they’re both single still so ha ha fingers crossed, right? Anyway if it’s not C--- then it’ll be someone else and if it’s not someone else it’ll be someone else because fuck like I said these abs are looking good and that’s something that they don’t tell you in the fourth grade when you’re sitting on the orange carpet: you don’t get a stomach like this without a little blow.
